Have you ever considered the very last words of the Old Testament? Before 400 years of prophetic silence, God left His people with a simple but profound charge—a glimpse of the ministry that would prepare their hearts for the Messiah. Malachi 4:6 says: “And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers…”
God’s design for families is rooted in the heart. As fathers, we are called not only to teach and correct, but to connect deeply with the hearts of our children. We must pay attention to what is shaping their inner lives. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us: “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” We need to guard our hearts!
It can be difficult enough for us as adults to watch over our hearts and sort through our feelings. It is even more difficult, however, for our children. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (aacap.org), the parts of a child’s brain that govern fear and aggression mature early, but the frontal cortex—which controls reasoning and impulse control—continues developing well into adulthood.
Simply put, children, teens, and even young adults have not developed their full ability to make wise choices. They need help sorting out their feelings so that their hearts can stay pure. As fathers, we need to be there to help them.
In his book, Enemies of the Heart, Andy Stanley describes a list of questions he asked his children to help guard their hearts:
“Is everything okay in your heart?”
“Are you mad at anybody?”
“Did anybody hurt your feelings today?”
“Did anybody break a promise to you today?”
“Is there anything you need to tell me?”
“Are you worried about anything?”
I’ve taken this list and adapted and added on to it for my own children. Let’s consider the value of these questions and how they can help us keep watch over the hearts of our children.
1. Is everything okay in your heart?
This is a generic catch-all kind of a question, but it opens the door for discussion and shows that we care about what is going on inside of them—what they are thinking and what they are feeling. We ask so many questions and many of them without direct spiritual significance. “Did you brush your teeth?” “Did you do your homework?” “Did you feed the dog?” If things like these are all we ask them about, they will think that only these things really matter to us. We need to show them we care about them and their spiritual lives.
2. Are you angry about anything?
Anger has a way of rooting itself into a child’s heart. If they feel they have been wronged, they will act out and usually take it out on others. They may be angry because of what someone has done to them or just because they feel they didn’t get what they deserved. “That’s not fair” is a common phrase uttered by children. With time and teaching, we must strive to help them understand that life isn’t always fair and we are not entitled to receive what everyone else has. We must also, however, help them deal with their feelings in the moment. We need to help them diffuse their anger so that it doesn’t reside in their hearts (cf. Ephesians 4:26-27).
3. Has anyone hurt your feelings?
Our hearts can hurt long after physical hurts fade away or hurtful words are said. Children seem to have an especially difficult time dealing with this. They don’t know how to talk to the person who hurt them or they might not understand the situation. They may need a mediator. Help them to work through their feelings and work out their problems with others.
4. Has anyone broken a promise to you?
This one is especially important because you do not want to be guilty of breaking promises to your children. Broken promises, even small ones, can deeply wound a child’s heart. Jesus taught us to be people of integrity (Matthew 5:37), and dishonesty—no matter how small—reflects the deceit of the enemy (John 8:44). When promises are broken, especially by trusted adults, they can plant seeds of mistrust and bitterness. We must model faithfulness and help repair the damage when trust is shaken.
5. Are you worried about anything?
Our children are constantly listening and they are listening to us. Sometimes they overhear us talking about our concerns, money, and various problems and they get magnified in their minds. Or, it may be they have a test or speech they have to give that is gnawing at their minds. To them, it seems like something that is going to make or break their lives when in all actuality it probably won’t. We need to be there to help soothe their worries and teach them what is really important (Matthew 6:31-34).
6. Is there anything you need to tell me?
Guilt and shame will destroy your child’s heart. This question gives them an opportunity to come clean and deal with it. Let them know that while they may need to make something right, you won’t punish them for anything they say. This is an opportunity to show them grace and mercy and help them do what is right.
7. Do you ever feel like giving up?
Children get discouraged. Especially if they have made a lot of mistakes and faced the consequences. It may be that we have overly criticized them and unintentionally made them feel worthless. Children need someone who is their biggest encourager—someone who lifts them up and reminds them of their worth and potential in God’s eyes.
Open and honest communication is not an occasional parenting moment; it is an essential daily rhythm. Fathers, take time—often and intentionally—to ask questions like these. The more natural these conversations become, the more your child will trust you with the deep matters of their heart. As Proverbs 22:6 reminds us: “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he grows older he will not abandon it.”
Conclusion: Guard the Heart
One of the most sacred callings of fatherhood is to watch over the hearts of our children.
This takes more than correction or discipline. It requires intentional, open, ongoing conversations—where we listen more than we speak.
The world will not guard their hearts. Culture will not guard their hearts. Even the church cannot do it alone. We must step into this role as fathers.
Ask questions. Be present. Listen carefully. Speak life.
Above all, remember: “He will turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers…” (Malachi 4:6).
Let us be those fathers—whose hearts are turned toward their children, and whose children’s hearts are safe, guarded, and strong.
By Jeremy Sprouse
Jeremy has been married to Erynn since August 1999. They are blessed with six children: Jaden, Isaiah, Isaac, Ean, Joseph, and Evelyn. Jeremy preaches for the Patrick St. church of Christ in Dublin, TX and is the author of To Train Up a Knight.
Knights of The Father 