Write Her a Letter: The Forgotten Gift of Love

 

Children are happier, more confident, and more respectful toward their fathers when they know their father loves their mother.

There are many ways to show love and affection to our wives, but one powerful tool that is often overlooked is the love letter.

In his article “How to Write a Love Letter,”  Brett McKay reflects on the enduring value of writing heartfelt letters:

“It’s not always easy to express our feelings to our significant others. We’d rather show our love through actions. We feel that our love is obvious—after all, don’t we vacuum the house, mow the lawn, and make them their favorite pancakes every Sunday morning?

Our actions show we’re faithful and true, and to us, that feels like it should be enough.

But it’s not quite that way for a woman. Women definitely appreciate our acts of love, but their brains are more language-oriented than ours. They want to hear the words behind the actions. They want to know exactly what’s in our hearts.”

McKay goes on to provide a helpful step-by-step guide for writing a love letter, along with a historical example for inspiration. I highly recommend reading the full article—but I’d like to offer a few additions of my own, especially for Christian husbands.

1. Let God Be in the Letter

Your marriage is not merely a contract between two people—it’s a covenant joined by God. His presence in your relationship should be evident and expressible. Let your wife know that you thank God for her. You should, after all (cf. Proverbs 18:22; 19:14). A few simple lines about your shared faith and the role of God in your union will deepen the meaning of your letter.

2. Be Honest, Not Overblown

Statements like “You are the most important thing in my life,” or “My life would mean nothing without you,” may sound romantic, but they often stray into falsehood or idolatry. Remember, God should be first in your life—not your wife (cf. Matthew 6:24). A godly woman doesn’t want to be idolized. She wants to be loved sincerely and rightly. So be honest and heartfelt—don’t exaggerate.

3. Keep It Pure

Don’t let your letter drift into lust or sound like something out of a cheap romance novel. While physical affection is part of marriage, it’s not the heart of it. Scripture reminds us that “marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). Honor your wife with words that are loving, respectful, and uplifting.

4. Make It Beautiful

A handwritten letter has become a rare and cherished thing in our digital age. Even if you don’t enjoy writing by hand, take the time to do it—it’s worth the effort. Here are a few tips:

• Write neatly by hand. If needed, type a draft first, then copy it slowly and carefully.

• Use a good pen. A smooth-flowing pen with black ink creates a clean, classic look. I prefer a fountain pen—but any dependable pen will do.

• Use quality paper. Resume or parchment paper gives the letter a sense of weight and permanence. To help with alignment, lay a lined sheet beneath the paper on a clipboard so you can keep your writing straight.

5. Speak from the Heart About the Life You’ve Built Together

Take a moment to reflect on how your life has grown and changed since you met your wife. Share how her presence has shaped your days, deepened your faith, or strengthened your sense of purpose. This isn’t about grand declarations—it’s about gratitude.

You might write something like:
“Looking back, I can see how much better my life has become since we found each other. You’ve helped me grow in patience, in peace, and in perspective. Life with you isn’t just happier—it’s fuller, richer, and more meaningful. I can’t imagine walking this road without you beside me.”

Focus on the journey you’ve taken together, and let her know that the path ahead is one you’re still excited to walk—together.

A Final Word

Your wife will treasure a heartfelt letter far more than almost any store-bought gift. She may read it many times over the years—especially on the hard days. A love letter is more than words on a page; it’s a legacy of affection, commitment, and grace.

So take the time. Write her a letter.

By Jeremy Sprouse

Jeremy has been married to Erynn since August 1999. They are blessed with six children: Jaden, Isaiah, Isaac, Ean, Joseph, and Evelyn. Jeremy preaches for the Patrick St. church of Christ in Dublin, TX and is the author of To Train Up a Knight.