When you say the word “bias” out loud, it might bring to mind a certain term that used to refer primarily to donkeys. While the words aren’t actually related, failing to pay attention to our own biases can certainly lead us to act like a donkey: stubborn, stiff-necked, and unreasoning.
As fathers, we all have our biases. Whether it’s believing that our grilling techniques are superior to anyone else’s or that our favorite sports team can do no wrong (even when they’re in last place), we tend to have a “biased” view of the world. In matters like these, it can often be humorous, but there are some issues we cannot allow our biases to influence.
As fathers, we bear the immense responsibility of leading our families. One crucial element that can significantly influence fulfilling this role is what is known as the “confirmation bias”—the tendency to interpret new information in a way that confirms our preexisting beliefs or theories. Understanding this bias is vital, as it can shape how we raise our children and the values we instill in them.
Let’s explore how awareness of confirmation bias can enhance our leadership and parenting, ensuring we don’t end up making a donkey of ourselves.
The nature of confirmation bias
Imagine hearing a news story that challenges your political views. Instead of considering the facts, you instinctively search for sources that reinforce what you already believe. Like when you are watching your favorite sports team failing horribly and immediately begin to make excuses for them. You might blame the referee, replaying in your mind that one questionable call instead of acknowledging the team’s mistakes. Or when that political candidate you like never seems to do anything wrong, and the one you don’t like never does anything good. True objectivity reminds us of the fact that most have at least some good and some bad in them, and everyone makes mistakes. When we refuse to acknowledge this we may be falling prey to a confirmation bias. This pattern can extend to how we engage with our families. For instance, when discussing an issue at home, do we focus solely on points that support our position, disregarding contrary perspectives?
Confirmation bias leads us to cherry-pick information that aligns with our existing beliefs while dismissing anything that contradicts them. This selective perception creates a distorted understanding of reality. One we often pass on to our children. It’s like wearing rose-colored glasses that only show us the parts of the world we want to see.
How this affects our families
As fathers, this bias can influence our parenting style, our relationships with our children, and how we perceive their behaviors.
Consider several ways confirmation bias can affect us:
- We may ignore the information needed to lead effectively. It may be valuable and wise advice we dismiss because it isn’t what we want to hear. Or it may cause us to ignore our family’s input and desires. Does the family only do what you want to do? Does what your wife says fall on deaf ears? Being a godly leader is not a my-way-or-the-highway kind of leadership. We must listen to our families and use that information to evaluate the options before us. Either way, it can lead to a failure to grow and adapt as fathers and frustrate our families.
- We may get a distorted view of our children. Do you have a child who can do no wrong or a child who is always in trouble and seems to be a drag on the family? If so, the confirmation bias may be influencing you. Yes, some children are easier to deal with than others, but those difficulties can sometimes overly influence how we think of them and treat them. Focusing only on our children’s flaws can lead to us provoking and exasperating them instead of guiding them (cf. Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21). Especially if they hear this attitude in the way we speak to them and about them. They may begin to feel like they are unloved and worthless. This discouragement often makes the situation worse and becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.
- We may get a distorted understanding of Scripture. Confirmation bias often drives the practice of proof-texting—selecting isolated verses to support pre-existing beliefs without considering the broader context of Scripture. When we approach the Bible with a strong bias, we may isolate verses that confirm our beliefs while ignoring those that challenge us. This cherry-picking leads to a shallow understanding of God’s Word at best and often to twisting and distorting the scriptures (cf. 2 Peter 3:16). To combat this, we must interpret the Bible as a whole, seeking to understand the full context, intent, and balance of Scripture rather than cherry-picking verses to fit our personal beliefs. We cannot lead as effectively as God wants without striving to understand God’s will.
Confirmation bias leads to bad decisions, irregularity, and falsehoods. This is necessarily true because biases are based on ourselves rather than on the truth. Instead of letting our biases reign, we must strive for objectivity.
What can we do?
To counteract the influence of confirmation bias, we need to be intentional about developing objectivity in our lives. Here are some suggestions to develop objectivity:
- Examine Yourself: Biases are often deeply embedded and can feel natural, like telling those dad jokes that always get a groan. When we look in the mirror, confirmation bias makes it easy to only see the things we think we’re doing right. But we need to see the whole picture—even the flaws we might not want to acknowledge. As Paul advises in 1 Timothy 4:16, we must take the time to reflect on our beliefs and doctrines. This should apply to other areas of our lives as well, like how we are treating our families and how we respond to new information.
- Admit your mistakes: Be willing to say to your wife and to your children: “I was wrong.” In 1 John 1:7-10, we are reminded of the importance of confessing our errors. Remember, even the most seasoned dads have to admit when they’ve had a “dad fail” moment. There isn’t anyone who does not make mistakes, who does not sin. Understanding this helps us to have empathy towards others when they make mistakes.
- Be humble and willing to learn: Confirmation bias is fueled by pride. Pride can keep us from examining our beliefs. Don’t be a know-it-all. Seeking wisdom requires humility; we must be willing to acknowledge we don’t know everything. When something challenges your beliefs, honestly consider the information. Don’t be afraid; if something is true, it doesn’t matter how many times it is challenged, it will remain true.
- Encourage honest discussions: Strive for an environment where your children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and opinions. This openness will help them develop critical thinking skills and encourage them to seek the truth rather than simply confirm their biases. More importantly, they will feel comfortable coming to you with sensitive issues. If they know you won’t be upset and will strive to help them, it will encourage them to come to you when they are caught in sin or questioning their faith. Our heavenly father gives wisdom generously and without reproach (James 1:5). We must strive to do the same.
- Questions to consider:
- Am I focusing solely on evidence that supports my position while ignoring contrary information?
- What advice would I give someone else in my situation? (Hint: It’s probably something better than “just wing it.”)
- Am I genuinely seeking God’s truth, or am I merely looking for affirmation of my beliefs?
The key to overcoming confirmation bias is recognizing that we all make mistakes and cultivating humility. Humility helps us listen more carefully and, in turn, make wiser decisions for our families.
Conclusion
Fathers have a profound impact on the lives of their children. By understanding and addressing confirmation bias, we can lead with greater objectivity and wisdom. As we pursue the truth, we not only develop a more accurate understanding of the world around us but also equip our children to navigate this world with discernment. Let’s commit to leading our families with humility, openness, and a genuine desire to grow together in faith and understanding—while ensuring we never let our biases turn us into donkeys!
By Jeremy Sprouse
Jeremy has been married to Erynn since August 1999. They are blessed with six children: Jaden, Isaiah, Isaac, Ean, Joseph, and Evelyn. Jeremy preaches for the Patrick St. church of Christ in Dublin, TX and is the author of To Train Up a Knight.
Knights of The Father 