One day a father spends with his child can make an incredible impact. There is a story often told about a day like this between Charles Adams and his fourth child, Henry Brooks Adams (see disclaimer below).
Charles Francis Adams (1807-1886) was the grandson of President John Adams and the son of President John Quincy Adams. He himself served as a Massachusetts state senator, was a U.S. Congressman, an Ambassador to Great Britain, and once ran for vice-president. As the story goes, he had a habit of keeping a daily journal and encouraged his sons to do likewise.
Henry Brooks Adam (1838-1918), at least, followed his advice. At the age of eight, he wrote one of his entries:
“Went fishing with my father today, the most glorious day of my life.”
Henry would write and talk about this particular day for the next thirty years. One day spent fishing with his father made this incredible impact on his life. What a triumphant event in the day of a young man!
Unfortunately, it is after those thirty years, the tragedy of that day was uncovered. It was then that Henry thought to look at his father’s journal entry for that day. It read:
“Went fishing with my son, a day wasted.”
How must Henry have felt when he read that entry? The day he had treasured was regarded as a wasted day by his father. He had one day he treasured for 30 years and that journal entry brought it to a crashing halt. It was never looked on with fondness again.
This story is tragic for many reasons. Let’s consider a few of them.
First, it seems that Charles did not treasure time with his son. Charles Adam was involved in important work—the governing of our nation. He may have made the mistake of thinking that time spent with his son was unproductive time he could have spent doing something useful. After all, how could spending one day with a child match a day helping to govern the nation. God did not command fathers to govern a nation, however, he commanded them to lead their families and train their children (cf. Ephesians 6:4). What could be more important than doing God’s will? His son should have been more important to him than the nation. There is always more work that can be done, but there are not always more days with your son (or daughter). It seems Charles was known for spending too much time working. In fact many people thought it contributed to his death. His death notice in the paper reads:
BOSTON, Nov. 21.–Charles Francis Adams died at 1:57 o’clock this morning, at his residence, No. 57 Mount Vernon-street, in this city. He had not been well for some time and had suffered more or less for the past five years from some brain trouble, the result of overwork (New York Times).
His final years probably would have been happier if he had spent less time working and more time with his children.
Second, Charles did not seem to understand the impact he had on his son. One day with his son influenced him for 30 years. How could any day like that be a day wasted? Perhaps he saw it as wasted because they didn’t catch any fish. Even so, he had caught something so much more valuable than a fish—his son’s love and adoration. Henry didn’t describe that day as a great day or even the best day, he said it was a glorious day. Like many fathers, perhaps Charles didn’t realize that the time spent with children is usually more important than what we do or accomplish with them.
Third, there doesn’t seem to have been another day like this between Charles and Henry.There was never another day to topple this one in Henry’s childhood. He had to look to a day when he was eight years old. Henry would have many more years in his father’s house, but apparently not one day in all of those years made such an impact on him. As Henry was growing into manhood, it would have been ideal for his father to be there to lead and guide him every step of the way.
Although they would have 40 more years together before Charles died in 1886. Life and work seemed to keep the two apart. When Henry was 10, Charles was seeking to be elected vice-president. From the age of 16 to around the age of 20, Henry was away studying at Harvard and in Europe. When Henry was 22, Charles was seeking to be re-elected as a U.S. congressman. During rest of Henry’s twenties Charles was in London serving as a U.S. Ambassador for Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War.
We need to treasure the time we are able to spend with our children. These are the times when we will have the greatest impact on their lives. Not only should we take every opportunity we have to spend with them, we need to make these opportunities–to purposefully set aside time for one on one time with our children.
By Jeremy Sprouse
Jeremy has been married to Erynn since August 1999. They are blessed with six children: Jaden, Isaiah, Isaac, Ean, Joseph, and Evelyn. Jeremy preaches for the Patrick St. church of Christ in Dublin, TX and is the author of To Train Up a Knight.
Disclaimer: I like this story for its lessons regarding fatherhood, but I have doubts about its historical accuracy. I have been unable to verify the details of this story.
Knights of The Father 