This time of year, many people are lining up to enter haunted houses. They want to see the costumes and effects, spend time with their friends, and hopefully have that adrenaline rush that comes when we get startled or scared. While visiting haunted houses may seem like a fun time, could you imagine living in that kind of an environment all the time? You’d get tired of the people jumping out at you or your nerves would be frayed constantly having to be on guard and expecting something bad to happen. Sadly, many children know what this is like because their fathers are haunting their houses. Fathers often do this unintentionally, but the results are always the same—unhappy families. These hauntings can take several forms. Let’s examine them so we can avoid haunting our homes.
First, some fathers act like ghosts. Their family hardly sees them—just glimpses from time to time—but they pop up every once in a while and moan. It might be that they spend almost all their time at work. Even when home, however, some fathers are more preoccupied with cleaning the garage and caring for the lawn than spending time with their family. There is always something to do. Ghost fathers are often even selfish in their relaxation. All they want to do is stare at a screen and watch whatever sports or T.V. shows interest them. You won’t spot them taking their children to the park or to the zoo. They don’t play games with their children or talk with them. They don’t really know what their children are learning about in school or their interests. They refuse to watch their children (especially) younger ones leaving the responsibility of raising them completely upon the mothers. To these children, their dad has become nothing more than a vague presence in their lives. Remember, we have been charged with leading our families and training our children (cf. Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21). We cannot do this as ghosts; we must make time for our families and be involved in their lives.
Other fathers act like vampires. They are present, but they suck the life out of everything with constant criticism. They seem to thrive upon finding everyone’s faults and what could have been done better with every chore and homework assignment. When they step into a room the atmosphere grows tense and everyone shrinks back and prepares themselves to be assaulted by criticism. What’s even worse, however, is their bite is infectious. Once bitten by the father vampire, the children often become vampires themselves taking their pain out on each other. In 1 Corinthians 10:9-11, we are told one of the lessons we are to learn from the Israelites is not to grumble. The Israelites’ grumbling made Moses miserable. In Numbers 11:11-15, he cried out to God because the burden of the people felt too great for him. Although it does not excuse what he did, frustration with the people and their complaints contributed to his disobeying God and consequently not entering into the Promised Land (Numbers 20:1-12). As fathers, if we are constantly critical of our wives and children, we will make them just as miserable as the Israelites made Moses and we will be just as displeasing to god as they were. We are told to do all things without complaints or grumbling (Philippians 2:14). We need to realize that “all things” includes being a father and leading our families.
Some fathers are like ogres. They get what they want because they are bigger and stronger than everyone else or because they are the ones with the biggest source of income. They threaten, manipulate, and intimidate everyone else. They are just bullies and no one wants to live with a bully. Remember, as Christians, we are to avoid such behaviors. Just consider a few of the beatitudes: blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are the gentle, blessed are the peacemakers (Matthew 5:3, 5, 9). They tell us to do the opposite of what the ogre does. We must make sure we are Christ-like with our families and with others.
Then there are the werewolves. These fathers seem fine and happy most of the time, but at the slightest impulse they change into an angry wolf and bite at everyone around them. No one knows what is going to trigger their howls of rage. Just as we expect our children to control themselves, we need to control ourselves. Anger is not just something to be controlled in public, it is to be controlled everywhere. Colossians 3:8 tells us to put off anger, wrath, and malice. Outbursts of anger should no longer be a part of our lives. We need to learn to deal with our anger so our families don’t have to (cf. Ephesians 4:26-27).
While we may not fall completely into any of the extremes described above, most of us will see these characteristics to some degree in our own lives. Maybe a tendency to want to be by ourselves or to always do what we want to do. Maybe it is frequent irritation at our family. Whatever it is, we need to make sure we are considering how our actions affect our families. We shouldn’t let selfishness, anger, or anything else make our homes houses of horror.
By Jeremy Sprouse
Jeremy has been married to Erynn since August 1999. They are blessed with six children: Jaden, Isaiah, Isaac, Ean, Joseph, and Evelyn. Jeremy preaches for the Patrick St. church of Christ in Dublin, TX and is the author of To Train Up a Knight.
Knights of The Father 