Someone once said, “Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys.” The same statement is true for our sweet daughters. It should not be a secret to any parent reading this article today that we are in a fathering crisis. Fathers all across the world are turning into cowards and leaving their families high and dry. Or, there are the fathers who have not left physically but are nowhere to be found emotionally or spiritually. How do we reverse the trend? The answer, I believe, is very simple. It must start with me! I must be the proactive father that God wants me to be. I must be serious about Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” If you are a father reading this right now I want to tell you that you make the difference! It will be your discipline and instruction that makes a difference in the way that your daughter has a healthy self-worth and a pure heart. It will be your discipline and instruction that makes a difference in the way your son keeps his eyes pure and becomes a leader in his future family. You make all the difference!
You will make the difference by being available to your sons and daughters. They need your presence. They need your time. They need your advice on all sorts of matters of life. They need your listening and caring ear. They need your constant hugs and kisses. They need your affirmation. You bring peace and security to their lives. It’s so difficult to discipline and instruct your children when you’re gone all the time. Your work draws you away too much anyway. They need all the time you can possibly give! Your availability is priceless to your children. Phone calls, texts, Skype, or Facebook is not the same as literally being at home and active in your children’s lives! Your influence on your children is second to none. Dr. Meg Meeker in her book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters writes
I have watched daughters talk to fathers. When you come into the room, they change. Everything about them changes: their eyes, their mouths, their gestures, their body language. Daughters are never lukewarm in the presence of their father. They might take their mother for granted, but not you. They light up – or they cry. They watch you intensely. They hang on your words. They hope for your attention, and they wait for it in frustration–or in despair. They need a gesture of approval, a nod of encouragement, or even a simple eye contact to let them know you care and are willing to help. When she’s in your company, your daughter tries harder to excel. When you teach her, she learns more rapidly. When you guide her, she gains confidence. If you fully understood just how profoundly you can influence your daughter’s life, you would be terrified, overwhelmed, or both. Boyfriends, brothers, even husbands, cannot shape her character the way you do. You will influence her entire life because she gives you an authority she gives no other man (2).
Your availability makes a huge difference in your daughter and son’s life!
You will make the difference by making the hard decisions. These are the choices that need to be made by the leader of the family. These are the choices that determine the spiritual direction of your family. These are the choices that determine the attitude and actions of your wife and children. These decisions are hard because the rest of the world is not making these kinds of godly decisions. And even many Christian families are not making the hard decisions. Allow me to give you a few examples of the hard decisions a father needs to make to be intentional and pro-active:
- The amount of media time your family consumes (i.e. video games, internet use, texting, TV, movies & music)
- The type of content that is acceptable and unacceptable when it comes to the media (i.e. language, sexual content & violence)
- The amount of time your son or daughter spends at extracurricular activities (i.e. sports, band, etc.)
- The type of relationships your son or daughter develops
- The godly philosophy you must develop on dating/marriage
- Demanding respect at all times
- Leading worship or devotional time in your home
- Being consistent with your standards
These are just a few, but I hope you get the point I am trying to make.
Finally, you will make the difference by loving your children’s mother with all your being. God tells us to love them as “Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25) and to “dwell with them with understanding” (1 P
eter 3:7). Your children are surrounded with other children on a daily basis whose parents are always at odds or getting an ugly divorce. Your daughters and sons see the terrible effects of a broken home! They hear the other children talk about how much fighting and cruel conversations take place in their homes. Fathers, your children do worry during those times that you and your wife have a knock-down, drag-out fight. They worry that they, too, are going to suffer the ugly consequences of divorce. They also worry that they are the cause of that dreadful decision. Show your children that you respect her. Steve Farrar in his book, Anchor Man, writes,
How will your children know that you respect their mother? They will hear you compliment her and praise her on a daily basis. They will hear you say things like, ‘Guys, you are so lucky to have your mom. She is the glue. Do you know that?’ They will notice that when she talks, you don’t just tolerate her until she is finished. You listen intently to what she has to say because her input is so valuable to you…. When a man honors his wife, he does more than teach his children about the value of their mother. He makes them happy and secure. Children are genuinely delighted to see their dad honor their mom. They sense that all is well on the home front (212).
Be the man who decides that he is going to show sacrificial love to the spouse of his youth as Solomon says in Ecclesiastes, “Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life…” (9:9).
None of these things come easily. But, they are deliberate actions that we fathers must take to make a difference in our home and this world.
By Steven D Minor
Steven has been married to Stephani Minor for 18 years and they are blessed with three children named Micah, Mason & Makenna. Steve preaches for the Wylie church of Christ and does family seminars around the country.
Knights of The Father 